JUSTIN MINK PSYCHOTHERAPY
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Couples & Addiction

4/13/2021

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I previously wrote about the rise in substance use among individual Americans during the Covid-19 pandemic.  However,  little has been explored regarding substance use among couples during this period.  Couples who live together are spending more time around each other, getting bored or exhausted with lack of variation in life, and some are turning to drugs and alcohol to provide escape from the current times, or even an escape from his/her romantic partner..  
In mid-August, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) revealed the results of a survey conducted in the Summer of 2020 that opens a window into just how serious the psychological and emotional impact of the pandemic is for Americans from all backgrounds and statuses. The survey shows that 13.3% of respondents who describe themselves in a “committed relationship,” reported starting or increasing substance abuse (including drugs and alcohol).  In addition, more than twice as many respondents reported increased severity in mental health symptoms in the past 30 days than did adults in the U.S. in 2018, referring to the previous 12 months (10.7% versus 4.3%). 
Most leaders in the addiction recovery community share the common thought that a couple who is experiencing addiction should not go to treatment at the same rehab center. However, with the closure of and limited capacity of many treatment centers, couples are left with no other choice than to attend treatment together if they want to get professional help.  
However, unhealthy relationship dynamics can hinder recovery when couples go through rehab together. Codependent couples, for instance, may find it especially difficult. Fearing the reaction of their mate, a more passive partner in a codependent relationship may find it challenging to speak freely to their providers. Or, they may become too focused on their partner’s recovery and not their own.
    Another major concern is whether a relapse by one partner might trigger the other partner to slip. Because the risk of relapse is highest during the stabilization period, it’s vitally important for the patient to be in a drug-free environment. So if one partner is not as fully committed to sobriety, it may harm them both.

    Personally, when working with couples who seek treatment in the same place, I have seen mediocre to negative outcomes on the whole, as people without substances can present as very different people than the person each other was with while intoxicated.
What do you think?  I’d love to know your thoughts, as somebody with experience, somebody who has witnessed this or, from any clinicians who have observed couples in treatment together.


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Checking in on your relationship in the time of covid

3/24/2021

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Couples are spending more time together during the pandemic than under normal circumstances (whatever “normal” even means these days).  Not only are couples increasing time spent together in shared (frequently small) spaces, but there aren’t dinner parties, get-togethers, group outings etc, to provide some different perspective, outlook and buffer, that is so frequently needed for relief and connection.  Here are a few ideas to help decrease any tension that might exist between a couple (or even a family):
  • Party of 3: While spending extended amounts of time can be valuable, even the greatest of things can get tiring and frustrating.  Disrupt the cyclical nature of this dynamic.  Talk to somebody about it...rather than only each other.  Whether it be a therapist, counselor, religious leader or community member/peer, having somebody with a fresh and unbiased perspective can sometimes offer new ways of coping and communicating.
  • Turn Towards:  When conflict ensues between a couple, the frequent reaction is to turn-away from one other, grow quiet and walk in separate directions.  While that might feel safe immediately, it doesn’t do anything to rectify the dynamic in the relationship.  State your needs, be aware of bids for connection and respond to them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationship.
  • Manage Conflict: Nothing needs to be “solved” right now...or maybe ever.  We say “manage” conflict rather than “resolve” conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. There is a critical difference in handling perpetual problems and solvable problems. 
  • Fondness and Admiration is the antidote for contempt.  Focus on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship to strengthen fondness and admiration.
  • Cherish your partner’s positive qualities and nurturing gratitude by comparing the partner favorably with real or imagined others, rather than trashing the partner by magnifying negative qualities and nurturing elements of resentment.
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Substance abuse in the time of covid

3/15/2021

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The pandemic is stressful.  Or, let’s be frank - it really sucks.  People are working from home, not seeing friends and family and have been cut off from most/all engaging activities.  Many have turned to substances to curb negative feelings or escape boredom. While isolation can be challenging, quarantine can actually provide an opportunity to spot and address any problem behaviors, especially if you're already concerned.  
What are some signals that using substances to cope has gone too far?  Here are some warning signs to watch out for, whether it be for yourself or a loved one:
  • Using more substances to achieve the same effect as one would normally need
  • Becoming either lethargic/sad or overly energetic; excess or no talking when using/drinking
  • Using substances to replace the company of friends/family
  • Losing interest in activities/hobbies one enjoyed before the pandemic
  • Sleeping at irregular hours or developing odd sleep patterns due to substance intake
  • Experiencing withdrawal symptoms, which can be as subtle as heightened anxiety. Other signs include sweating, shaking, slurring ones’ words, etc

You might think, I see those warning signs in myself or a loved one but, what is there to do about it?  Here are some pandemic friendly resources you can access:
  • Online AA Meetings (and the like...NA, GA, MA ,etc) all offer virtual gathering options.  Just like in-person meetings, but without the crappy coffee and no responsibility to put away your  chair.
  • Remember what phones are?  Yeah, pick it up and call your friends or family.  Talk to people you trust and are able to listen to without bias, but at the same time, you’re able to hear constructive criticism from.. Text can be a nice supplement to the phone but, nothing replaces hearing the sound and infliction of one’s voice.
  • GO OUTSIDE!  Sure, being around people might not be a great option but, activities exist outside the home that mostly avoid people all together. Get some fresh air by taking a walk, going on a bike ride, going on a hike - these can all help to reduce stress.  Your dog can’t get Covid - take your dog on a walk!
  • “Yeah, I’d love to do that one day, but I don’t have time.”  Well, now you do have time to try those hobbies or activities you’ve always wanted to.  No excuses!
  • Watch your food intake, whether that be too much or two little.  Everyone has his/her own unique relationship to food.  Watch to see if that way food is consumed in yourself or somebody else has drastically changed.  Significant change of any kind, while sometimes for the best, should also be examined as to why such a change has taken place.  

Staying inside and isolated from the world around you might feel safe, but it can be dangerous in various other ways, some of which are listed above.  Be honest with yourself and be honest with those closest to you. Luckily, technology allows us to connect in ways that were not possible only a few years ago.  Therapists like myself have had to transition to a hybrid online/in-person practice.  While this has been challenging to get used to, for both myself and clients, it provides significant benefits such as not having to battle LA traffic to arrive late for your 50 minute therapy appointment or, arriving so stressed from sitting in traffic that it’s hard to settle and begin session, whenever you do happen to arrive.  Don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist or counselor, as having an unbiased viewpoint, having somebody caring about your well being, can serve a unique and valuable purpose during this time.  That being said, try to avoid, “If it gets that bad, then I’ll consider therapy.”  You have the opportunity to address any issues before it has to get worse.  Addressing any problem is easier to do the sooner you decide to face it.
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    Justin Mink
    A few years ago, I left the money, the unlimited expense account and the world that was New York City corporate advertising.  I was done helping brands, done supporting pocketbooks.  ​I wanted to help others in a different and more personal way - help others overcome the everyday, the ordinary, the extra-ordinary, the unique and the difficult challenges that are holding them back from being their best self...more

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MINK PSYCHOTHERAPY 

justin mink, psychotherapist, lcsw #88990

424.216.8404 - justin@minkpsychotherapy.com -  www.minkpsychotherapy.com



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